Buhhhhh. My diet has significantly improved over the last month and I am pretty proud of myself. However I have seen little change in the scale. I keep bouncing around the same 5 lbs. I am starting to think that the biggest battle isn't going to what I eat but rather the amount I consume. Last week I remember feeling totally full, stuffed, and I kept eating. I have gone to bed bulging with discomfort from my gorging. If I have a loaf of sourdough in the house, its over, I 'll have three slices while cooking a meal I about to eat. Without a doubt I eat too much of both the right and the wrong thing. This has been a problem for me since I was so young. I over ate because of trauma, comfort, bordem, and a need to feel better while my life was difficult. With me, eating and emotions are so infused together I hardly dont know where to begin to separate them. I also had trouble with many other substances for years but have sense recovered completely. While recovering, I gained 50 ++ lbs. UGH. On the bright side, my eating issues are the final behavioral intervention I have left!
I have been trying to drink more water and eat less. I do really really well somedays and completely terrible, usually around the evening time. Going more than four or five days in a row without over eating is pretty rare these days. I am pretty concerned for the most part and I have even considered attending Overeaters Anonymous but I have a time conflict with a current class I am taking for the only meeting in the area. Maybe there are some online resources I can utilize. I am thinking about measuring out my meals in one or two sized measuring cups, I have a food scale so that might help. This whole food journey has been real telling. Mainly that I do have a problem with over eating, coupled with being a passionate food explorer, it feels weird to complain about overeating while watching the Cooking Channel. I don't see a problem with being involved in my diet, and my food choices have been pretty excellent.
To my benefit, I do work out often. I have been busting my ass in the gym and I plan on signing up with my fitness group for another session this week. I saw one of my workout buddies from my fitness group and she lost over thirty pounds. She looks great and I can't deny that I was a little bit jealous of her progress. It was only a few month ago when I was encouraging her to run further with me. Now she is showing me up!
I have a copy of Woman Food and God by Geneen Roth on my iPad. This is Oprah's overeating help bible and I hope to read it and begin the work that I need to do to gain control of this area of my life. Right now I feel cool and comfortable about this topic because at this very moment I am acknowledging it. Still, when I am in the kitchen, stuffing my face beyond need, I feel disconnected from this strength. I think for the next week I will post the amount of food I eat. This will help me get out of my slump. Maybe not having any drinks either. I've been doing pretty good on that front, but I want to seal this deal! I am pretty desperate for progress of any kind. So here's to the hope that I will get better, with Katie's help, I know I will.
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